


It's Fine

by mymastermine (littlelapin)



Category: Elsword (Video Game)
Genre: LPMM, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-07
Updated: 2014-12-07
Packaged: 2019-10-03 19:41:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17290187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlelapin/pseuds/mymastermine
Summary: in re:LEAVE OUT ALL THE REST





	It's Fine

“… as you say.”

A weary sort of smile crossed his features. Honestly, tonight had been plenty tiring and plenty disappointing for him. Somehow though, the tiniest bit of him was still expecting more. Still hoping.

But most of that hope shattered with his heart as he watched the warrior turn and slowly walked away.

Dejected eyes watched after the other, watching how Psyker’s back grew further and further from his line of sight, Mastermind simply stood. He stood rigidly, feeling an all too familiar tightness in his throat, the kind of tightness that burned and burned and burned until he could hardly breathe. It was a normal occurrence. Usually, too much bickering with Psyker would sometimes come to this—crying.

Yes, he cried.

Not very often though.

But this—this was not a normal occurrence. This was different from the tears over simple teasing. This searing pain ripped at his chest, threatening to make his tears spill over.

The first tears that pooled at the corners of his eyes were hot. The second onslaught of tears were stinging hot as they began a thin trickle down his face, burning as they fell down his cheeks. The third time the tears fell, he was blinking them back, causing his vision to blur. It distorted his ability to clearly see Psyker.

This made Mastermind’s chest tighten, swelling with pain. He wanted nothing more than to reach out, for that blurry image to become clear again. And for a second, he was too fearful and angry that he couldn’t reach out. He didn’t want to feel that disappointment or that hurt again.

But if that meant stopping all of this, if that meant rewinding things to before this, if he could fix things maybe he could, if he could have him again then …

And that was enough to convince him, enough to damn his stubbornness to hell.

His rigid form gently eased, and he could feel his arm—it felt heavy—struggle to reach for Psyker. The image of the other was clear now, and he allowed himself a tiny moment of joy. But tears still collected around his eyes. He blinked away these tears, only to distort the image until the sight of Psyker was completely gone.

All previous expression drained from his face, and he felt his arm limply fall back into place.

–

Naturally, Mastermind’s thoughts prevented him from sleeping, eating at him from the inside out. So he took to staring at the scattered papers on his desk, hoping to be productive or at least to distract himself.

No such luck.

No matter what he did, his memory kept looping what had happened earlier.

_“The night’s still young. What was that about something being arranged?” The brawler asked suggestively._

_“Hmmm,” Mastermind feigned innocence. “I have no idea what you’re talking about. I mean, weren’t you leaving anyway?”_

_“Well if that’s how you wanna play it, fine. I have no problem having fun on my own.”_

The other had teased Mastermind rather mercilessly earlier for having been so busy. Well the bad boy could go and promptly fuck himself like he had said, for all he cared. Because for some reason, at that moment, he was inexplicitly set off by his teasing.

But if there was one thing he couldn’t stand besides the teasing, it was the got damn insults.

And as fate would have it, there were plenty of those too.

He remembered his reply thinly laced with annoyance; however, what came next made him stop completely.

_“Sounds like someone’s disappointed…”_

He remembered how it made him freeze in his tracks. It had sounded like statement, but was meant as a question. And on top of that, there were so many ways he could reply to that. There had been so many things he had wanted to say. Finally! It was a golden moment to give this impulsive idiot a piece of his damn mind.

_“And what’s it to you if I am?” He heard himself say._

—no. That wasn’t what he wanted.

The moment he had said it, he had regretted it. Those words were too loaded. They had carried too much feeling behind it, despite having not truly said anything of substance. Those words had sounded so hallow too. He had said nothing, but at the same time revealed everything. He hated that about himself. He was so honest, sometimes, when it came to the other.

And of course Psyker could see it, which made it all the more infuriating.

But he couldn’t bring himself to stop. Because truly, some part of him felt hurt. Hurt that the brawler had the gall to sound like he cared, yet Mastermind knew better. It was why he had acted as defensively as he did. It was just all for “shits and giggles”, right? And for another moment, Mastermind remembered he was still mad, throwing back heated words of his own.

_“Never mind already. It’s too weird.“_

And as soon as things took a turn for the worst, look who wanted out.

Mastermind had never felt so angry.

It wasn’t—shouldn’t have been up for just him to decide.

But if that’s how Psyker wanted things, then so be it.

If Psyker wanted to run, wanted to play this off, wanted to be in denial when here he was, trying to his best to be honest, to get that fool to open to him … then it was fine.

Fine. Fine. Fine.

_“Never mind already.” Mastermind mimicked, when he was thrown question after question. He waved Psyker off. “It’s too weird.”_

They were Psyker’s own words, and it was what he really wanted, so it was fine.

Just  _fine_ , damn it.

Of course it wasn’t fine though.

Mastermind had been so blinded by his emotions, his hurt, and his anger. He let it get the best of him. And look at the lovely mess it made. He should have really known better than that, and now he was horribly disappointed in himself instead. How could he just write off the other’s feelings like that because he was hurting so? How could he even think the other didn’t care for him over something as stupid as the constant insults and teasing? Sure, it went a bit far sometimes, but to completely invalidate Psyker’s feelings over that … it was cruel.

But if he could so easily come to terms with things now, then maybe there was still some hope left.

No.

There surely was hope.

–

It was nerve wracking to wait.

He figured the brawler had stepped out to cool off, but as the hours ticked by, he grew worried. Not that it wasn’t uncharacteristic of Psyker to stay out so long, but it made Mastermind panic.

What if he didn’t come back?

The guilt made him feel nauseating. It gnawed away at his thoughts, threatening to consume him.

He had to come back—he had to.

He barged in to the other’s room seeking comfort, to chase away his horrible thoughts. He ended up laying on Psyker’s bed, bringing one of his pillows to tightly clench to his chest, closing his eyes.

“I understand that you care.” He mumbled into the pillow. “I understand now, alright? Just—” He forced back a sob. “—come back. So I can tell you for myself.”

_Please come home._


End file.
